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| Easter- 35 weeks |
Many people face fear everyday. How we handle the emotion of fear is whats important. Do we let fear concur us? OR.. Do we open up in prayer and turn our fear over to the lord? So many times in my life I have been faced with a fearful situation. I wish that I could sit here and say that every time I am placed in such situation I open up in prayer and automatically give it all to the lord. BUT I'm human and for some reason I think that I need to fight the fear on my own. Thankfully as I have gotten older, been in different situations, and had my relationship with the Lord mature, I have been able to immediately open in prayer and turn to him for direction...THANKFULLY we have a God that loves us sooo immensely that he wants to take on those fears for us. :)
Here is a little update with my pregnancy and how I have encountered fear these last couple of weeks......
3/19/13- I woke up like normal to get ready for my Dr's apt. All was well, I actually think I got in and out faster than I ever have. I was scheduled to work that night so I came home did a few things and then got back into bed (rough life, I know!!!). Woke up a few times to go to the bathroom and just started to not feel well. Eventually it was time to get up, finish some laundry, and then get ready for work. Dom was up and getting ready for work and I just remember telling him how awful I felt. Very dizzy and just not myself. Many of you know I LOVE my job. I knew there was only two of us on to work and I was not going to "call in." I got dressed and drove to work (feeling like I was floating in space mind you...). Got to work and just could hardly focus on one thing. WORST. FEELING. EVER. Thankfully I trusted my gut and went into a back room and took my blood pressure. I sat down rested a moment took my BP and it didn't even register. I waited a little longer (me knowing that if it doesn't read you need to hold still or that your BP is really high) and took it again. This time my BP was way high for me. I have never had a problem with abnormal BP, mine is usually pretty low. I knew something wasn't right. To make a long story short...Dom came and picked me up. We went to St. Joe and I had some blood work and other tests ran. Baby was active and doing perfectly fine :) My blood work came back okay but my urine showed some protein. The gave me a huge jug and told me to collect my urine for the next 24 hrs and to follow up with my Dr. on Thursday (3/21/13). Thankfully my blood pressure kept going down and they sent us home before midnight.
3/21/13- My Dr apt was in the afternoon so I had some time to spare in the AM. My Memo's 80th birthday was in the morning so we celebrated with a fun breakfast with all of my family. As the morning went on I just kept feeling worse and worse. That awful dizzy feeling showed it's ugly face once again. I was thankful when 2 pm came because I was hoping to get some answers from the Dr. My blood pressure was a little elevated at my apt but nothing like it was on Tuesday. Dr. Christman (Best Dr. ever!!!) came in and listened to the baby and talked things over with me. He was waiting on the nurse to pull up my 24hr urine results (longest 10 minutes of my life, sometimes being a nurse is a total curse because you have an "idea" of what a Dr. is going to say in certain situations and me I knew if I had protein in my urine I knew what he was going to say). Dr. came back with the test results and sure enough I had double the amount of protein in my urine that you are suppose to have. Dr. Christman explained to me what this meant for me and baby and that there was no way he was letting me go back to work. The tears began to flow and wouldn't stop. FEAR overcame me. Being at Via Christi for less than a year I hardly have any PTO built up let alone did I qualify for short-term disability or FMLA. Dr. Christman gave me a huge hug and told me that baby and I were okay and that we was just going to be watched like a hawk. I would now have a Dr. apt 2x/week and do a weekly 24hr urine.
All the plans that I had for this delivery/labor were quickly pushed out the door. I have always been the one that wanted to work up until she came, never wanted to be induced, and wanted to try with every ounce of me to do it natural. Thinking about all these things along with living on one income for the next 3 months was sooo scary. I sat in my car and cried. I called my Mom and Dom to let them know what was going. And then continued to cry. I sat in my car and just prayed. I prayed that the lord would give me peace and take the FEAR of all the little things away from me. I knew it would all be "okay" but I needed to be "okay" with it.
I knew the Lord was in control...I knew that he would provide in every situation....I knew that he would go before Dom and I these next couple months....I knew that he would go before me when the time came for me to deliver....I knew that he would never leave my side. It took me a few days to "know" but eventually I was at peace with everything and I KNEW there was nothing more that I could do but to trust in him and give every FEAR up!!! It gives me goose bumps just thinking about how much love our God has for us. :)
Over these last couple of weeks my protein in my urine has continued to rise. My blood work is now out of whack and the dizziness and icky feeling continues to come and go. With our little girl's health and my health being the Dr's biggest concern they have decided to induce me at 37 weeks (4/8/13). I'm crazy nervous but very thankful for all your prayers and for such loving friends and family. Baby girl will be here so soon and we can't wait to welcome a healthy baby into our family. I feel at peace and know that they Lord has the perfect plan for how baby will make her entrance into the world.
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified. Do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9
